MEGAMI-SAMA, MASAKA?

		      A Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
			     by Gary Kleppe

	This story is sponsored by the (Takahashi-)Mermaid's Charitable
Fund. Give generously, and you will have our undying gratitude.

	The characters of Ranma 1/2, and those from other series who
make cameos herein, are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko
Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be
freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used
for profit in any way.


			       PROLOGUE

	"Where am I?" George called, hoping there was someone to hear.

	There was no response to his shout, not even an echo. He heard
nothing, saw nothing but endless gray. He couldn't feel anything under
his feet, yet he didn't seem to be falling. Or maybe he was. There was
no way to tell up or down, backward or forward. All he was aware of was
himself, and... something else.

	Some powerful presence surrounded him. It was the feeling he
often got -- that someone was watching him -- but it was magnified a
thousand times from the usual. He couldn't zero in on where it came
from; it seemed to be everywhere.

	Maybe this was a dream, he thought, though it didn't feel like
one of his dreams. The last thing he could remember was being in the
anime room at GenCon. He must have fallen asleep there. He remembered
watching an anime about some mermaid's meat that made people live
forever. That story had certainly been weird enough to give him
nightmares.

	A voice of sorts called out. **GEORGE TOCKUE!** It wasn't really
a sound; it spoke in his head moreso than in his ears.

	"Uhh... that's me." George tried to turn towards the voice, but
it was coming from everywhere. "But I asked *where* am I, not *who* am
I! And who am I talking to?"

	**ONE MOMENT.** At once, the presence coalesced into the form of
a shapely young pointy-eared woman, clad in a tiger-skin bikini. "Sorry
about that. I forgot that you'd need a physical manifestation as a
reference. What do you think? I've always liked this form."

	"It's Lum," George said. He remembered having just watched a
subtitled Urusei Yatsura TV video. A song started running through his
head, the one he thought of whenever he saw this character, and he
absent-mindedly sang it out loud. "It's Lum, It's Lum, she's in my
head..."

	"George no baka!" she yelled, as a giant bolt of electricity
flew from her outstretched arm. George was wracked by pain as his body
contorted in seven different ways at once.

	He stood back up as she giggled coyly. His body ached, but he
didn't seem injured. "You're Lum? The girl from outer space?"

	She laughed again. "Oh, no. I just decided to make myself *look*
like her. I'm a Kami. What you would call a Goddess. This is my plane of
reality. I brought you here."

	"Oh - KAY," George said, trying to digest this information. "A
Goddess? You mean like Belldandy? Can I ask *why* you brought me here?"

	"Do you remember what you said a little while ago? When you were
watching Ranma 1/2?"

	George thought back, but could barely remember his own name.
"Uh... no."

	"You said that if you had the chance, you could tell Ranma and
the others how to solve all of their problems. All it would take is a
little common sense, you said."

	"Oh yeah. I did say that. Er, I mean, not that Ranma and those
people are stupid or anything. It's like, they ought to be able to see
what they can do to get what they want. It would be easy. But they won't
do it."

	"I'm offering you the chance to do what you said you could do. I
can project you into the universe where these characters are real, and
you can interact with them."

	"Really?" George thought this over for a moment. If it was for
real, it was exciting, but also frightening. There had to be a catch,
something this Goddess wasn't telling him. He decided to stall. "Why?
Why are you offering me this?"

	"Because I think it'll be fun."

	Fun for whom, George wondered. That thought wasn't encouraging.
Something was going to go wrong, something she wouldn't tell him about
until it was too late. That was how this kind of thing worked, wasn't
it? "But I don't speak Japanese. Besides, I'm no good at fighting. If I
went to Ranma world they'd probably kick my butt."

	"You will be able to understand everyone there, and they you.
All speech will be dubbed into English for you. As for your lack of
combat skill, there are a couple of things I could do about that. I
could put you in place of one of the non-fighting characters, say Kasumi
or Nabiki, or perhaps Nodoka. No one would attack you. Or you could be a
new martial artist, with an attack capable of taking down Ranma or any
of his friends. What do you say, will that be enough to protect your
'butt'?" She smirked noticeably.

	"Um... okay." That sounded reasonable. This Goddess had an
answer for everything, it seemed. But he still felt suspicious. "But how
do I get back when I want to?"

	"You'll be in the Ranma universe for as long as the body that I 
give you there is alive. When you wish to return here, simply destroy
your temporary body by killing yourself, and you will be returned here
safely."

	"Well..."

	"Or I could just return you to your own universe right now. I'm
sure you can find plenty of exciting things to do there."
	
	"No. I'll go." There was no denying it, it was the chance of a
lifetime, one he couldn't pass up. What could go wrong? He had thought
of everything. "I'll be a martial artist. You're right, it'll be fun.
Let's go!"

	"Very well. Do you have a preferred style of combat?"

	"Uh, no, like I told you I'm not much for fighting."

	"Anything? A favorite sport, perhaps?"

	"No, not really, my main hobby is working with computers,
and..."

	"Okay, that's good enough." The Goddess abruptly floated to a
sitting position. She stared ahead blankly, ignoring George. He opened
his mouth to try to speak, but no words came out.

	He looked again, and found himself eyeing the Goddess' belly
button. A second look confirmed that she had grown larger, and was
expanding by the moment. Or was he shrinking? There was no way to tell
which.

	He drifted involuntarily toward one of her enormous eyes, faster
and faster, as if he were in a plane that was crashing into a lake, or
an ocean. He felt suddenly terrified. This Goddess had taken control of
him effortlessly. He was completely unable to move, completely at her
mercy. She could cast him into Hell, and there would be nothing he could
do about it.

	Inside the eye faint points of light flickered into view, which
became stars as he tumbled through the blackness. He fell steadily and
deliberately toward one particular light...


1: "A rose is not a rose"

	Tatewaki Kuno was eating lunch at the Nekohanten. Half the
student body of Furinkan ate lunch there, ever since the decision that
only Hawaiian food would be available in the school.

	The food at the restaurant filled one's stomach adequately for
a reasonable price; the only drawback was the waiter's lack of
competence. "I, Tatewaki Kuno the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, ordered
the house special ramen! Dare you insult me by giving me pork buns
instead?" It was a good policy to be firm with the serving classes.

	Tatewaki saw his twisted sister, Kodachi the Black Rose, walk
into the establishment. The waiter immediately jumped on her, crying out
"Shampoo! How I've missed you in the time you've been gone! It's been...
at least an hour and a half!"

	"Blind fool!" Tatewaki rose to his feet. "Can you not tell one
person from another? Would you so mistake Ranma Saotome for the
Pig-Tailed Girl?"

	"Stupid Mousse!" the target of Mousse's affections said, in a
most unexpected voice. "Get back to work or I hurt you!"

	"Yes, darling Shampoo!" Mousse turned to clear a table. An
identical-looking Kodachi entered the restaurant.

	"Shampoo? Is that you?" The withered crone who owned the
restaurant spoke to the first Kodachi.

	"Of *course* it's her!" Mousse said smugly. "Can't you see? Do
you need *glasses* or something?"

	"Mousse, go scrub out the toilets," Cologne shot back.

	"Er... yes, elder." Mousse sulked away toward the bathroom,
muttering under his breath. "Again? Geez..."

	"Great grandmother, this fault of evil lecher," the first
Kodachi said.

	Tatewaki rose to his feet. "Ranma Saotome did this? That swine!
I shall...."

	Cologne struck with her staff as she walked past the Blue
Thunder, knocking him back into his chair. "She means Happosai, you
fool! Tell us what happened, Shampoo."

	"You right, great grandmother. Happosai steal Shampoo underwear.
I try to get back by power of calm reason...."

				*****

	Shampoo's fist slammed into Happosai. "Give back Shampoo
underwear, old pervert! Or Shampoo KILL!!"

	Rather than dodge, the old man rolled with the blow, using its
momentum to propel him away. He flew through the air, clutching his bag
full of newly acquired undies, as he watched the angry amazon recede
into the distance.

	He crashed headfirst through the roof of a house. Maybe watching
where he was going might have been a good idea. He fell to the floor
inside the house, along with a good portion of the roof.

	As he picked himself off the floor, an elderly woman watched.
"Oh dear, oh dear," the old woman muttered. "Are you a robber? Have you
come to steal my prized possessions?"

	"Not to worry, madam," Happosai said, dusting himself off. "I am
in fact a thief, it's true, but the only thing I steal is underwear
that's been worn by beautiful young women. I think that it's safe to
say..." He eyed the eighty-plus year old woman. "... that I won't find
any of that here."

	"Oh, goodness, such a relief that is. I'm so afraid someone will
take the most valuable thing I own, this box." She pointed out a small,
ornately-carved wooden container. "It's a one-of-a-kind antique that
people would kill to get. It has a name, now what was it. The Box of
E'civedt'olp, they called it. Legends say that it has magical
properties."

	"How very interesting, madam. As it so happens, I have here the
most valuable thing *I* own, my one-of-a-kind underwear collection. It
includes, among other things, a pair of genuine amazon panties. There
are definitely people who would kill to get these -- I've just had an
encounter with one of them. Legends say -- I don't think I even need to
tell you. Whaddaya say, interested in a swap?"

	"Gracious, valuable you say? I suppose so, if you really think
it's a good deal..." The old woman spoke in mumbles, seeming barely
aware of what she was saying.

	"We have an agreement, then." Happosai set down his bag, and
cradled the box in his left hand. "I'll just be going, then, and....
Well, what do you know?" He looked at the bag in mock surprise and
amazement. "Here is a bag full of women's undies! I just happen to be an
underwear thief! How fortunate!" He grabbed the bag back into his right
hand and bounded up through the hole he had made, onto the roof.

	Like taking candy from a baby, Happosai mused, as he jumped down
from the roof and sauntered down the street. Now he would try to find
out what the box did, if anything. The old woman was obviously senile,
there was no way she would catch him. He was in the clear.

	Suddenly a bonbori crashed down, nearly missing his head.
"Shampoo KILL!!"

	Okay, he wasn't quite in the clear. Still, he figured he ought
to be able to get away, seeing as it was just one pursuer.

	He felt something wrap around his leg. He heard another voice,
and turned to see the leotard-clad figure of Kodachi Kuno. "OHOHOHOHOHO!
Raiding the locker room at St. Hebereke was a grave mistake, sensei!"

	Okay, it wasn't just one. Happosai realized he might be in for a
pounding. Kodachi pulled on the gymnastics ribbon that was wrapped
around his leg, causing him to trip. The box slipped out of his hand.
"Hey! Leggo! This is the legendary Box of E'civedt'olp! Don't you know
what could..."

	The box tumbled to the floor, and fell open. An eerie
yellow-green light shone from within, bathing Shampoo and Kodachi in its
glow...

				*****

	"So!" Tatewaki raised his bokken defiantly. "The old lecher
through dark sorcery has split my sister into two people, and done Gods
know what to the lovely Shampoo? He must be made to pay! The Blue
Thunder shall..."

	"Brother dear," the second Kodachi interrupted, "I haven't been
spilt into two. I am me; that over there is your lovely Amazon waitress
who has been transformed to *look* like me."

	"Ah." Tatewaki scrached his head as he tried to comprehend this
new information. "Well, whatever. Old crone, know you of any way to
reverse this effect?"

	"I have heard of the Box of E'civedt'olp," Cologne said. "It is
an artifact of chaos; a very strange thing indeed. It is said to cause
random, unpredictable changes in those whom it affects. In this case, it
appears that Shampoo has been linked with your sister, causing her to
take on her appearance. She may go back and forth between looking like
herself and looking like Kodachi, before the effect finally wears off."

	"It will wear off?" queried Tatewaki. "How soon?"

	"A matter of days; perhaps a week or so. The only other thing I
know of that would break it would be the death of one of the two linked
persons."

	"Do not worry. The honor of the Blue Thunder would not permit my
harming in any way one as innocent and lovely as your fair
great-granddaughter."

	"I doubt you could even if you tried," Cologne said sternly.
"Moreover, if you were to cause any harm whatsoever to Shampoo, then I
would have to hunt you down. Filial love forms strong bonds indeed!"

	"So I have heard." Tatewaki moved toward the exit. "Let us be
off then. The old lecher must be made to pay!"

	Cologne zipped around to stand in front of Tatewaki, and glared
at him. "First, it is you who must pay, young man."

	"Ah yes. The house special. Four hundred yen was it? There you
are." He handed money to Cologne, then turned to the girl who looked
like his sister. "And I say to you, fair one, that were my heart and
soul not fully and exclusively given to Akane Tendo -- and the
Pig-Tailed Girl -- the deepest love and affection of the Blue Thunder
would be pledged to you."

	"Why thank you, brother dear," she replied, "but I don't think
it would work out. Let us go."

				*****

	George stood on the grass, looking at the new world around him.
After being in limbo for who knew how long, he had finally arrived
somewhere! He moved around, relieved to be in control of himself again.

	His surroundings looked ordinary enough, some sort of park with
houses across the street; not that much different from the city he had
left. Maybe it had been a joke, a hallucination, and he wasn't going to
be meeting characters from anime.

	"HAHAHA!! You can't catch me!" A little old man carrying a large
sack bounced rapidly off of George's head, knocking him down.

	"Hey!" George said, struggling to get up. "That was --"

	"OHOHOHOHO!!!" A girl in a leotard ran after the old man, using
George as a stepping point. "You will not escape the Black Rose, sensei!
I will have my underwear back before you discover the secret
compartments!"

	"-- and --"

	"Pervert-man not escape!" Another girl, looking identical to the
first, bounded off of George's head.

	"-- and another --"

	He didn't even try to get up this time. "The righteous vengeance
of the Blue Thunder shall not be denied!" A boy in kendoists' robes
added to the footprint collection on the back of George's scalp.

	"-- and what's his name..."

	George waited until he could be sure that it was clear. This was
not a promising beginning. Still, things would get better. He looked
carefully toward the direction from which the people had come, After
minutes had passed, he was satisfied that there were no more on the way,
and so he stood up.

	"HAHA!! I doubled back!" The old man ran into him from the other
direction, knocking him back down for the other three to trample over
again. He decided to just lie there until winter when the snow would
cover him up.

	"Wait a minute," he said to himself. "I'm a martial artist here!
That Goddess said so!" Proudly, defiantly, he stood up, breathing a sigh
of relief when no one knocked him back down right away. He saw that the
old man was circling back toward his location, and had apparently picked
up another pursuer: a pigtailed boy, whom George recognized very well.

	George stood, ready to attack Happosai, but not knowing how.
Then he felt an instinct take over. He cried out, "School of Cyberspace
Martial Arts -- Attack!" Cyberspace martial arts?!? GMAFB, he thought.

	"Floppy Disk Strike!" George yelled, as he threw several razor
sharp three and a half inchers in rapid succession. Strange. Why hadn't
the Goddess given him CD-Roms instead? They'd be much more aerodynamic.

	The old man dodged, the disks embedding themselves in a nearby
tree. "Nice try, sonny!"

	The others stood and watched as George continued. "Magnetic Tape
Attack!" he said, hiding his embarrassment. Who used magnetic tape
anymore? Didn't Goddesses know anything about computers? He produced a
metallic ribbon with which he tried to ensnare Happosai; this too was
dodged.

	"Special attack: Chiasa Aonuma .JPG Strike!" He threw out an
over-sized color print-out of a very shapely, very naked young woman.
Happosai immediately forgot about the fight and stopped to stare.

	Ranma, Kuno, and the two lookalikes leapt on top of Happosai and
pummelled him. The women ripped open his bag and searched through, each
pulling out a particular set of underwear.

	Ranma went to greet George. "Hey, that was pretty cool! I ain't
never seen attacks like those before. I'm Ranma Saotome."

	"George Oscar Tockue the third. I'm not from around here.
Actually I'm from a whole 'nother world. Another universe, you might
say. Where I come from, you guys are just characters in an anime."

	"Uh huh," Ranma shook George's hand hesitantly, rolling his
eyes. "Anyway, I guess anyone who beats up Happosai is a friend of mine.
Except that Pantyhose creep, of course." Ranma's grip tightened, causing
George a bit of pain. "Gonna be around here for a while?"

	"I think so. This is fun!" George noticed one of the Kodachis
looking at him in a way that made him a bit nervous. Still, it didn't
dampen his enthusiasm.

				*****

	From somewhere else, the Goddess looked down at the scene and
laughed. The fun was just beginning.